To forgive and forget.

How many times have we heard this phrase
& How common it is that people use it whenever someone did them wrong?
Is it really possible to forgive,and really forget?
Forgiving is easy,but forgetting?
Brainwash yourself of the hurt that it has brought upon you,
treat it that it has never happened and get on with life?
I doubt so,

Many a times,I come across suitation.
People say I have a very large capactiy.
I'm able to forgive mistakes that people deem as unforgivable.
But how often do I bring myself to that brainwashing part?
I do often tell myself,to go on with life,and forget the past.
But as easy as it may sound,it's difficult to the max.
I wander my mind on other stuff,to distant myself from the memory.
But whenever sometimes relavant comes up,
the memory comes back involuntarily.
Though I try to hide all my past scars behind bright wide smiles,
Inside,I'm bleeding.
It's like a sharp dagger being pushed into my heart.
Everytime a memory appears,I try to push it to the back of my head.
But,it comes.Its comes like the wind which I have no control over.

I'm feeling vexed.
All the horrible memories coming back to me at once.
All the hurt,physically or mentally,all coming back to me now.
It's like only yesterday.
And yet,I'm hanging on,with a broad smile,hoping beliving in the best.
Maybe that's the problem with me,too naive.
I always believe that things will always work out for the best.
Others may try to warn me,try to advice me.
I'm one stuborn one,I always pretend not to hear,like their words mean nothing.
When the truth really stabs me real hard.
I belive in second chances,maybe third,fourth...
I always belive things will change if there's a chance to.
I never belive in unhappy endings, though I've experience many.
No idea where this happy ending theory is stuck with me.
Maybe it's just all the beautiful fairytales and drama that I grew up with.

This is getting so personal,I wonder if I should lock up my blog.
I longed for the brainwashing.
The sooner it comes to me,the better.
Living in the past for too long,thoughts of ending my life.
But finding my Father in heaven has brought new sights to my life.
And it's has greatly increased my faith in all things.
Good and bad.
I'll never doubt anyone words now,esp close one.
One word,I'll belive fully.
I wonder when I will learn from my mistakes.
That things do not always go the way I want them to.

It's 1.07am.And I'm not feeling tired.
I just really want to see that face and feel those hands around me.
I really don't know what make me fall so deep in love.
I hope,it never ends.
The brainwashing should really start now.
I want to cry my heart out but I'm fighting back those tears.
I'm really good at holding back all my tears now.
Must be all that tough times I went through.
I need you so much now...

Maybe some pictures will perk my readers up.